Friends after all - Dean x Reader - Chapter 1

Friends after all - Dean Winchester x Reader - Chapter 1

You let out a soft sigh as you snuggled more with your blanket, a bowl with pop-corn resting on your lap as you took the TV remote-control in your hand and pressed play for the movie to start playing. Friday night meant movie night for you and that was one of the best things in your basically crappy life. You could not say you hated it but it was not the best either. You had moved into your house a long while ago and you were lucky to have found a job rather quickly. It was not anything special, just working as a waitress at the local restaurant. It was not really big but it had its usual customers coming in almost every day so that meant that it kept working well and you got paid in your time.

Sure the payment was not something to brag about but it managed to help you get by and that was the important. Besides, you liked living in this place. You were actually looking for a way to get away from your old house- sure you loved your parents just like living with them but at some point you could no longer stand them. You wanted to get out of that house and finally live on your own and be independent. It was hard, you were not going to deny it, especially after you failed to get into university- you were obviously just not made for it, although it was hard for your parents to accept that- but finding a job and then a small house of your own was your main priority and you luckily succeeded in it.

Once again it was nothing special but still was yours. You had been saving money for months and with a little help from your parents you finally bought this small house and were happy with yourself. The town you lived in was small yet everything you could have ever asked for. It was great living here actually.

Everything was great in fact and yet... not. It was great that you had a house of your own along with a job to make it by and not depend always on your parents for everything, you were 26 anymore it was time for them to realize that you were no longer their little girl that needed protection all the time as if you were a fragile little doll. Yet at the same time everything was not just that great. You house was cozy, small and more than enough for you to live in- seeing as you lived on your own, yet it was not that great. Sure you would have not wanted anything more that what it already was but at the same time it could have been better. Your job was certainly not the greatest one, although it gave you enough money to make it by, but you could still find a better one that could give you enough money so that you could manage to put a little bit aside. Easier said that done.

And then- then there was the topic you had come to dread to talk about. Thank your parents for that. It was your love life. Or well, more specifically you non-existent love life. You had not had many boyfriends in your life, even in high school just one that lasted long- before he had to go to college of course, but after that just one here and there and for the past four years none. You were ok with it, not very much but still yeah, however your parents - especially your mother - did not seem to be really happy with it. They would not stop pointing it out, in a rather bad way, whenever you would visit them. Every time you had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes at them as once again they talked about the lack of boyfriend on your side. It was not a matter that bothered you a lot in the beginning, in fact at some points you liked being on your own but with your mother pointing it out along with your age and how your sister that was just two years older than you and getting married soon, you could not help but feel as if it was a bad thing how you did not have a boyfriend yet.

If you were honest with yourself, you actually were not that kind of girl that wanted a relationship just so that she would get married right after a year of being with the guy. You never wanted to rush things. Getting to know the other one was much better and you always wanted to do just that but now- Now that you had your parents bugging you all the time about how you did have someone by your side and how you would eventually not be able to find someone and therefore marry him you could not help but think about it as well. You were not that old- in fact you were just the right age but the way your parents kept saying it only made things worse.

They had come to point where they'd make you believe you'd end up alone. And that is what scared you the most.

Maybe you could have found someone. Maybe you could have done something with somebody all this time you were alone but at the same time you could not help how you compared everybody to-

Your bell ringing snapped you from your trail of thoughts and you let out a groan when you realized you would have to get up and from your rather comfortable position. The bell ringed once again and you rolled your eyes at how persistent the person outside your door was.

"Coming!" you shouted so that they could hear and letting out a small groan you paused the movie and put the bowl on the coffee table nearby. You lifted off the blankets and got up to make your way to the door. You were just about to shout at whoever it was for interrupting you during Friday movie night but once you opened the door your felt the words get caught in your throat and you could only instead say one thing.

"Dean?" you breathed out.

"Hey (Y/n)" he greeted, smiling widely.

You just narrowed your eyes at him "What do you want this time?" you asked, half seriously and half jokingly.

He rolled his eyes "Sheesh woman. Can I not just come here because I want to see my best friend and not have to ask a favor?" he pretended to be offended.

"I guess" you still looked at him with narrowed eyes until you finally loosened up "Just kidding. Come on in Winchester" you smiled widely and he got in.

"So, what can I do for you this time neighbor?" you asked "Oh wait you're not here for a favor so I guess I don't need to do anything. Right?" you raised and eyebrow at him and he smiled innocently.

"Well, you see about that" he started speaking and you could see his own nervousness as he scratched the back of his neck.

You chuckled "Come on spit it Dean. We've been best friends ever since I came here, I won't have a problem" you said trying to ease down his nervousness.

He let out a small sigh of relief "Well, I don't really know if you could uhm- I mean if it is not a problem..." and he trailed off.

"Come on, Dean. Just ask. You know I would do anything for you" you said putting a comforting hand on his shoulder and immediately a smile spread on his lips.

You meant so much more with it than what you let out but at the same time you knew you just couldn't.

"I wanted to ask you if you can babysit Mary for tonight" he breathed out and your own smile immediately fluttered as you realized what that could possibly mean.

Just what it meant every other time when he asked you to do so at night.

You tried to cover it up soon, though, by putting on a fake one; hopping that he would just not realize anything.

That's what you've been practically doing ever since you moved here and met him, if you were actually honest with yourself.

"I'm guessing the dating app worked after all huh?" you asked with a small chuckle and he looked at you in surprise.

"How do you know about that?" he asked and you laughed some more (more sincerely this time) at the look on his face.

"Well, you should know better next time you invite me over to babysit Mary and forget your phone. Open, for that matter" you chuckled and he laughed as well.

"I have to say something though." you spoke again and he looked at you "Impala67? Really?!" you exclaimed, laughing and he just groaned.

"Come on, what's wrong with that!?" he raised his hands in the air.

"Apparently not much since it got you a date for tonight" you shrugged, and this time you were unable to hide the hint of sadness in your voice tone. You were jut lucky that he did not notice anything .

Probably he's really excited for tonight you thought and once again you could not help the pang that you felt in your chest.

Dean and you were friends. Best friends for that matter. Ever since you moved here. He'd helped you through a lot, you owed him a lot in fact. He was the one that helped you find your current job, he welcomed you ever since you moved in this house, his being right next to yours, and was always there to either fix something that was probably broken in your house or most times provide you with food when you had not had time to cook anything. You were always glad you had him by your side.

You became good friends ever since the beginning, having so many things in common really attributed to that. He really could understand you better than anybody else, your parents above all, and you were glad that same went for him. You trusted each other with lots of things so when the time came and he told you he had a 3 months old baby daughter you could not say you were much surprised. Maybe the fact that it was Dean Winchester, insanely handsome and incredibly funny and nice guy, was what made it less surprising. You were sure that most women would do anything to just spend a night with him.

As he had told you Mary's mother was just another one-night-stand, he would go on many you had soon realized, and she just did not want to keep her so she abandoned her outside Dean's house for him to raise her, and so he did. You really could not understand how she could possibly do something like that. Mary was her daughter and she had just so heartlessly given her away, even if it was her father she had left her at, it still was impossible for you to understand how a mother could abandon her own child. Especially considering how much of an amazing person that child was. Even now at the age of three, to almost four, Mary was really smart. She was incredibly lively and full of energy. She'd do anything that came to her mind and with great success for that matter. She would barely sit still for a moment, all the time running and playing around the house until some point she just got tired and fell asleep.

As far as appearance was concerned you really did not have to say much other than an exact replica of Dean just much younger and female. She had big, bright forest-green eyes just like that of her father's immediately managing to capture your heart from the first sight. She had short blond locked, lighter than her father's but yet the same, while they managed to cover her forehead. She did not have freckles, not so obvious at least, but sometimes you had been able to see a couple over her cheeks. She was a lot like her father, you had to admit and she had immediately won your heart over the first time you met her.

From then on you would not top spending time with her whenever you could and when Dean had to be at work and you didn't you would just go over by his house and stay with her, babysitting. Dean had insisted that he gave you money for your time but you just brushed him off and told him that you did all of that because you loved Mary and for no other reason. And it was true. You had gown to love Mary more than you ever thought it could be possible. You had never actually thought of kids before but with a wonderful child as her in your arms you could not help the thought, anyway.

But you had grown to love her, that was for sure. Her bright big eyes had immediately gotten a hold of your heart just like her father's big bright eyes had. You had to hold yourself from letting out a sad sigh every time you remembered it. Yes, you were friends with Dean, best friends actually but even if in the beginning that was the situation for the both of you it soon had surely changed. For you. It was hard to deny at least to yourself how you felt about the older man. Just like it was hard to ignore the slight flutter of your heart when he smiled so brightly at you, or the heat that rose in your cheeks whenever he would compliment you on something. You knew he was just being himself, saying the truth and maybe slightly flirting but all that were only on a friendly level. Yes, because actually Dean Winchester made 'flirting' friendly as well. You didn't know how it could be possible but yet he had proved you wrong when all those times he had made some suggestive comment towards you, looked at you with a definitely not friendly look in his eyes, and even touched you definitely in a not friendly way, and you were still... friends.

Your heart ached when you even thought of that word. Over all this time you had come to know Dean better than your own self. You had come so close that you didn't even think it was possible and yet... At the same time you were just friends. You felt your heart tighten in your chest at the mere thought of it but you knew it was not something you could change. And you actually did not even want to. You did not want to risk all of these, being this close to Dean and Mary, having their trust and getting to live with them at some points, while it gave you the illusion of you two having a family, just because you had feelings for him. You did not know if he felt the same way, it was hard to pinpoint his exact feelings. That's how it always was with Dean. And you were not going to take the risk of telling him everything just for the possibility of him feeling the same way even in the least bit. No, there was no way in hell you were going to risk all you had with Dean even if it was just being friends and tell him how you felt- how you've been feeling for all this time. Even if it hurt.

Because it did.

It hurt like hell seeing him all the time with other women, or even knowing he was with them, as he occasionally slept at their places, or even hearing him talk to you about his most recent hook-up or how he probably saw himself going out with her again. All the while pretending to be happy. You pretended to be happy for him and you truly tried to feel it as well, because you wanted him to be happy, just like with Mary. But you could not deny it that it hurt. It hurt hearing him talk about them, seeing him with them and above all seeing the smile on his face that should probably make you feel happy but it didn't... because you knew it was not directed at you. You were not the one that made him happy in that way and it felt like a stab to the heart knowing that you'd probably never be able to make him happy in that way.

You tried to stay strong, put on a fake smile on your lips and act as if all of this was not bothering while in reality it was tearing you apart on the inside. It was not very rare for you to cry yourself to sleep and tonight it seemed that you'd be doing just that.

"So?" Dean asked breaking your trail of thoughts and for the first time you were actually glad about it. You blinked several times, mostly trying to push the tears away. You'd have time for that later when he'd be gone and you'd be able to cry as much as you wanted. Now you needed to stay strong and show him that you were alright with it. That you were happy about him and that you were not bothered at all.

"Sure" you said, or basically croaked. You cursed yourself in your mind for showing even the slightest sign of weakness and you took in a breath to try to calm your rapidly beating heart. Every beat felt like an actual stab to it and you did everything you could to not let him know.

"Just uhm wait till I grab a few things. You won't be coming home tonight so I am going to take up the guest room... once again" you ended up mumbling the last part, as you let out a sad sigh.

"Oh no need, you can sleep at my room this time." he said, as you grabbed your keys and phone.

"You sure?" you asked him with a small frown.

"Yeah" he shrugged "'Sides, as you said I won't be coming home tonight" he wiggled his eyebrows with a big grin "So it won't be a problem" he added with a chuckle and you let out one of your own that died out too quickly for your liking. Maybe it was because just once again you did not actually feel it.

You cleared your throat as you saw the small frown on Dean's face and plastered a big smile on your face, trying your hardest to make it believable.

"Ok then, let's go. Don't want you to make your date waiting. You've got a long night ahead of you anyway" you said and you both laughed slightly.

"Damn straight, we do!" he laughed like an excited child.

You got out of your house after you turned off the lights and locked the door. You carried a small blanket with you, your phone and keys. You did not need to change because you were already in your pajamas. Nor did you need anything else because Dean's home felt like that of yours, so it did not make much of a difference.

"You look pretty excited" you smirked slightly at him, or well at least tried to "Let me guess. The lucky lady has lots of assets, doesn't she?" you said, putting emphasis on the word, while raising an eyebrow at Dean.

Dean chuckled deeply and nodded his head "Hell yeah she does!" and he laughed some more.

"Well then you're going to enjoy your night" you said with a chuckle.

He didn't say anything, he just laughed some more as you went by his house and he unlocked the door. No sooner had he opened it that you heard small feet run towards you and soon a pair of little hands wrap around your legs.

"(Y/n)!" little Mary exclaimed and you giggled, for the first time tonight for real , and you looked down at the little girl.

"Hey bug. Guess who you're going to spend the night with?" you told her, ruffling her hair as she giggled some more.

"You?" she asked and you nodded with a bright grin. Again, the first real one for tonight.

"Yay!" she exclaimed and hugged your legs more tight.

You heard Dean chuckle as you bent down and picked the little girl up, resting her on your hip and turning to face him.

"Alright, so there is food in the fridge if you are hungry and CDs near the TV if you want to keep her occupied. You have my number so if anything- and I mean anything happens call me ok? And if you need something don't hesitate to send me a message. Oh and don't forget to lock the door, the extra keys are in the coffee table. And-" Dean started rambling and at some point you've just had enough and cut him off.

"Dean!" you exclaimed and he stopped "We're fine. We will be fine. Just go. Don't worry about us. It's not the first time after all" you couldn't help the slight venom that dripped your tongue when you said the last part.

"You sure?" he asked still worried and you couldn't help the small flutter of your heart when you saw this side of him. Because you knew he meant it.

"Yeah" you said in a low voice, a soft smile on your lips.

"Go Dean. She's probably waiting for you. Go and and do not worry about us. Don't think about us. We'll be fine" you added in the same voice tone and the smile soon turned bittersweet.

Dean hesitated for a while, his eyes narrowed for just a split second and a small frown on his face but he soon covered it up.

"Ok then. See you in the morning?" he asked, a smile forming on his lips and you had a hard time telling if it was true or not.

"See you in the morning" you said with a smile of your own that you could clearly say it was fake but enough to reassure Dean.

"Alright. See you in the morning" he said, leaning in to give Mary a small kiss on the cheek, ruffling slightly her hair as she had tiredly rested her head on the crook of your neck.

"Thanks again (Y/n)" he smiled at you softly and you just nodded your head at him, giving him a half smile that once again did not feel true.

He leaned in and kissed your cheek as well, as you took in a sharp inhale. His face lingered there for a good while, and it seemed as if he did not want to pull away. And he merely looked down at you as your eyes roamed his face. You bit your lips when you felt your face hit up, especially at realizing your close proximity.

"Yeah" he cleared his throat and pulled away "So see you in the morning. Bye and goodnight. Thanks once again, (Y/n)." he added as he took a few steps back until he turned and walked towards his Impala.

You stood there for a good while as you saw him get inside his car and turn it on. He looked at you, as the light from his house illuminated your form and you saw almost a hint of nostalgy in his eyes, as if what he was looking at - you and Mary in your arms - was what he really wanted. Something he really longed for but knew he could not have. You shook your head and stepped back, closing the door after that and after a while you heard the roar of the Impala and Dean drive away.

You let out a shaky breath you didn't know you'd been holding all this time. You let Mary down as she walked to her toys and you rested your back against the door as you watched her continue playing with her dolls

"No problem... friend" you said and closed your watery eyes.