In the end I love you - Dean Winchester x Reader

In the end I love you - Dean Winchester x Reader

How you'd gotten into this mess was impossible to explain. Time traveling surely was not your thing. You could not do something about that, though.

When you had woken up in an empty motel room, while you expected to find Dean sound asleep in the bed next to yours, had you wide awake in seconds. It didn't take long for you, though, to figure out that all of this was Zach's doing. You managed to convince him to sent you where Dean was, or more like threatened him. The fact that you had not slept well adding to your reasons for being grumpy.

Who could be able to sleep peacefully and well with an Apocalypse hanging above their heads, though. Knowing that they could die any moment given. Although that was something you got used to after becoming a hunter, you had to admit that the cause of you being on the edge was something else. Or more specifically, someone. Dean.

Although he claimed to be completely fine, you could see that he was a total wreck. He and Sam had split up and that had had a really bad effect on him. You really wanted to help him but you did not know how. You would be lying, though, if you said that it didn't hurt you to see Dean like this. After all, who wouldn't feel like that at seeing the person they love more than anything hurt and torn apart emotionally.

So all you could do was be patient and constantly be in touch with Sam to know how he was.

Luckily, you got Zach to get you there on time to find Dean and see him get captured by... himself. No matter how crazy it seemed in the beginning it slowly got to make sense. It was Dean's future self. You followed them both and stayed hidden, waiting till Dean's future self left and, then, you managed to free Dean. He wouldn't stop complaining about your being there, especially since it was really dangerous with the croatoan virus, but you just ignored; him claiming that if you weren't there then he wouldn't be free.

Now you both walked down a road of camp Chitaqua, making your way to Castiel's cabin. Just as Chuck had instructed you.

"Why did you hide from Chuck?" Dean asked as you both walked.

You shrugged "Dunno. Just being cautious. I mean, for all we know, my future self might be, you know, dead" you said and made a face, laughing slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

Though Dean did not find it funny at all. His body was stiff and his lips pursed. He was looking at you with a hard look and a small frown.

"Just sayin' " you said, shrugging slowly.

"Yeah, well, don't" he said firmly and you frowned, perplexed by his sudden weird behavior.

You opened your mouth to ask him but did not find the chance to, as you both reached Castiel's cabin. His voice could clearly be heard and it made your eyes widen. He could not be saying what you think he was, could he?

Dean entered first and you soon followed suit, staying close behind him and therefore Cas could not see you; though you could.

"Alright ladies, how about you all go get ready for the orgy while I talk with our fearless leader" he said, winking at Dean, and all the women got up and left.

You stayed behind Dean for a while as he and Cas talked, taking in your surroundings. You had a hard time trying to contain your laughter and when at Dean's question of whether he was stoned, Cas replied "Generally, yes" you could no longer keep it.

You started laughing out loud, tears almost running down your cheeks. And as you started to calm down all it took was one look at Cas to throw you into another fit of laughter. Dean merely rolled his eyes at you.

"S-Sorry Cas, I-I'm really sorry. I-it's j-just that y-you..." you tried to say between laughter "Oh my, l-look at y-you! Y-you're..." you were stopped by more laughter.

"Man, it's been a while since I had such a good laugh. Thanks Cas, I needed that" you said as your laughter died out, wiping a tear.

"(Y/n)..." he mumbled slowly, eyes almost wide. He had suddenly become really serious.

Both you and Dean looked at each other and then at him, frowning.

"Cas, are you o-" Dean started asking but was cut off by Castiel himself.

"Impossible. (Y/n) is it really you?" he was frowning now.

"Uh yeah, yeah. We-" you glanced at Dean and then looked at Cas "-We are from another time, though. 2009." you explained and he nodded.

"So that's why you seemed different" he mumbled, glancing for a second at Dean, and then back at you. The smile returned on his face.

"Well, if it's really you, then, don't stand there. Come here!" he said, smiling widely, and before you could react, he came close to you and engulfed you in his arms.

Your eyes widened at the sudden display of affection, especially by Cas, but slowly brought your hands up to hug him back. He sighed in content and you heard him mumble something that sounded like "Missed this so much". After a while you both pulled away, smiles on both your faces. Though yours was more of a bewildered one.

"Wait till he sees you" he mumbled with a smile and then spoke louder "You've met right? Have you seen him since you came here?"

"Who? I don't understand, what's going on Cas?" you asked back, frowning.

He took a few steps back "Hmm nah, probably not. He wouldn't have let you out of his sight if he got you back again" he mumbled, completely ignoring your questions.

"What the hell are you even talking about Cas? How high are you anyway?" Dean asked, groaning, exasperated by the former angel's weird behavior.

Cas opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by another voice. Another voice that sounded just like Dean's. No, it was Dean's. Though certainly not Dean's that was in the room till now with you.

"Cas, I need you to go on a supply run with the med team. We've run out of..." Dean, well his future self, started saying once he entered Castiel's cabin but immediately trailed off once he saw you.

His body became stiff. He clenched his fists. His mouth hang open just slightly and his eyes were wide. As if he'd just seen some ghost.

"What the..." he only managed to breath out.

You and Dean looked at his future self frowning but just as Dean, your Dean, opened his mouth to speak, Cas cut him off.

"Uhm Dean, this is (y/n). They're from another time period, but it's really them. Her." he said, obviously knowing something you didn't.

"I believe you said you were all alone here! That Zach sent only you in the future!" future Dean turned abruptly to look at your Dean "How can you let her be dragged into this?!" this time he sounded more angry than before.

"Whow dude, relax" your Dean raised his hands in surrender "You know I wouldn't want her to be dragged into all of this. Much less be here right now. But she's got a stubborn ass, and you know it. She somehow got Zach to bring her here. I could not do anything about it!" he finished.

"Hey, that stubborn ass saved you just a while ago, ok? Besides, will you three just stop talking as if I'm not here?! It's annoying" you complained and your Dean merely rolled his eyes at you.

Future Dean on the other hand turned to look at you and his eyes immediately softened, a sad look appeared on his face. You looked at him frowning, your heart aching to see him like this, wanting to know more than anything what could have caused him so much pain.

Castiel's voice broke your trail of thoughts.

"Supply run, with the med team. Ok, sounds good. How about you help me, hm? It won't be hard for you to fight some croats" Castiel grinned at past Dean, clapping him of the shoulder "Come on, let's go. It won't take much time. Better leave these two alone" he added and pushed your Dean towards the door.

"What? Why? I don't get it. What the hell is going on here? Will somebody explain?" Den frowned and resisted going out of the door.

"Come on. I will explain. Just, let's go" Cas urged him.

Dean glanced at you with concern for a second and then at his future self, a hint of jealousy in his eyes at the way you looked at each other, but mostly him at you. There was definitely something going on but the only way he would find out was to follow Cas and do what he told him. So, hesitantly and without really wanting to, he exited the door. Closely followed by Cas, who immediately shut it closed.

~~~

You stared for a while at the door and then turned your gaze at Dean, who all the while has been looking at you. So many emotions were on his face that it was hard for you to decipher them.

You opened your mouth to speak but he beat you at it "You..." he breathed out in a low voice.

You bit your lip, hesitating to speak at first "Dean, what-" you started in an equally low voice, frowning and looking at him with a sad expression.

"Sorry" he let out a dry laugh, running a hand down his face "I guess I should explain first, huh?" he said and pursed his lips.

"You-you can take your time, really" you said and then smiled at him reassuringly "Come. Let's sit first. You don't seem well. You look like you've seen a ghost" you chuckled slightly at the irony of it and he tried to chuckle, but it definitely looked fake, so you stopped too.

"Come" you said in a low voice and went to grab his hand. But as soon as your hands made contact, you heard him take a sharp breath in, his eyes widened, and so you immediately pulled away.

"I'm sorry. I-I ddn't mean to do something that-" you started rambling but he cut you off.

"No" he took hold of your hands "No, you didn't do anything. It's not your fault. It's just- just..." he trailed off and before you could react he enveloped you in his arms.

"I missed you. So damn much" he whispered and hugged you more tightly.

Your eyes widened and you were stunned for a while but then decided to hug back. You closed your eyes, burying your face in his chest and breathing in his scent. It's been a while since you had this kind of moment with him and you really missed being in his arms, even if it was just a friendly gesture. You could clearly understand how he felt, with his brother gone and the world being torn apart, and he clearly needed this hug from you. He always came to you when something went wrong. When he needed someone to comfort him.

You clenched his jacket in your fists tightly and brought him closer, him doing the same thing.  Once you both pulled away he cupped your face and rested his forehead against yours.

"I missed everything about you, baby" he whispered and your eyes widened.

You suddenly backed away. You stared at him with a shocked expression "What?" you managed to say in a low voice.

"Dean. Wh-what exactly has happened these past five years?" you asked slowly. You wished and feared to hear the answer.

This could either be really good or really bad.

Dean sighed and looked down "You- The croatoan virus got to you and it-" he swallowed the lump in his throat "-You died because of it. You died (y/n)" he finished in a low voice and looked up at you, his eyes were glistening.

Was he about to cry? No, that's... impossible...

"I-I'm dead?" you asked in an equally low voice and he gave a small nod.

"Whow" you breathed out as realization downed on you; putting a hand on your forehead. You may have been joking before  about it but finding out that you really were dead was entirely a different thing.

"And I did nothing to prevent it" he said through gritted teeth, sounding really angry. Angry with himself.

"There's nothing you could have done to prevent that, Dean" you said in a low voice. A small and reassuring, though sad, smile on your face.

"Yes, (y/n), there is! There should have been! I should have done something (y/n)!" he roared "I should have found a way to save you. Something... Anything... to have you here... alive..." he ended up saying in a low voice and put a hand in front of his eyes.

You let out a sigh and tried to keep the tears from rolling. Seeing Dean like this, broken and hurt, made your heart ache even more.

"Dean" you whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder "You cannot save everyone"

He removed his hand from his eyes and looked at you, a tear rolling down his cheek "Yes." he said in a raspy voice "Yes, when it comes to the person I loved more than anything, (y/n). I should have saved you" your eyes widened at his confession but you had no time to react as he crashed his lips to yours. You felt yourself standing frozen for a few seconds but before you could start responding, Dean pulled away.

"Sorry. I just... I just missed you very much and, yeah..." he cleared his throat and went to pull away, but you stopped him.

"No!" you said quickly "It's-it's ok, really. Y-you don't h-have to apologize" you said and looked down, suddenly becoming shy.

He chuckled slightly and brought your face up, to look at him "You have no idea how much I missed that stuttering of yours. And blush" he added with a chuckle, rubbing his thumb on your cheek.

He once again closed the distance between you, pressing his lips softly to yours. And this time you got the chance to respond. You both pulled away after a good few minutes, in need of air.

You found it impossible to speak, though Dean didn't "We dated for two years" he said and you looked up at him frowning.

"What?" you whispered.

"When all of this started we weren't together but after a few weeks we just-" he chuckled "-hit it off. More than before. I don't know, you just... You just were there, like always, and comforted me about Sam and losing the battle against Lucifer and after a while we just... became more than friends. It didn't last more than two years though, cause, yeah, you know the rest of it" he cleared his throat and tried to focus on something else but think of your death.

"Really?" you asked, a smile forming on your lips. You found it impossible to believe that you two actually got together.

"So you got the balls to finally ask me out, huh?" you asked with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood and make him feel better.

He chuckled "More like you did. It was totally random, really, but I did not think even for a split second to say no. I've wanted to do that for a really long time but did not have the guts. So when you asked me I said immediately yes"

"Really?" you raised your eyebrows "You- you've wanted to ask me out for a long time?" you asked and he nodded with a small smile "H-how long exactly?" you immediately added.

"Well, uhm-" he scratched the back of his neck "- I don't remember when I fell for you, really. But I clearly remember when I did realize it. It was when I came back from hell." he chuckled slightly "I clearly remember how much I wanted to see you and I when I did, at Bobby's house, well, let's just say I had never felt more alive in my life. When I got you in my arms, when I saw your eyes, when I heard your voice, I-" he let out a sigh rubbing his thumb on your cheek "-I knew. I knew how much you meant to me. Much more than friend. Much more than family. I knew how much I loved you." he rested his forehead against yours.

You couldn't help but smile at hearing Dean finally say all these words. Sure, it was not 100% your Dean, but, still, it was Dean. And that fact made your heart flutter. You never had felt more happy. You've always wanted to hear him say it and you finally got to have your wish come true. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, though, and you couldn't help but feel sad too.

"But I never got to tell you that" he let out  a long sigh and pulled away.

"You didn't?" you frowned and he shook his head.

"No, I didn't. Because I was too damn scared." he groaned frustrated with himself "I was scared (y/n)! Can you believe it?! I was scared of telling the woman I loved how I truly felt about her. I didn't get to tell you (y/n)! You died and I didn't get to tell you how much I loved you!" he shouted, trying to let out the pain he felt. His eyes were glistening and it was clear that he was about to cry.

"You did now..." you whispered and closed the distance between you, cupping his face with your hands.

"Dean..." you said in an low voice, rubbing your thumb on his cheek. You didn't get the chance to say more, though, as Dean spoke up.

"I was a coward (y/n). A damn coward. I lost you. I wasn't able to protect you and when I saw you dying, I-I didn't even get to say those three damn words." he said shaking his head.

"Dean, it's ok. Really. Completely natural to be scared, scared of being rejected" you tried to comfort him.

"Before you were gone, I wasn't like this." he continued saying, as if he hadn't heard you "Sure, I was a wreck because of losing Sammy but I always managed to laugh once or twice a day. I always managed to feel glad that I lived yet another day. I always managed to feel grateful for what I had, and still kept fighting to get back what I lost. Because I had you. I still had you, first as a friend and then as... more than that. But then... then you died (y/n). You died and then everything came crumbling down. Realization downed on me. I had lost the battle against Lucifer. The world had, and thousands of lives were lost. I had lost Sammy. I had not managed to save him. And then I had lost you. I lost you (y/n) and I could not bring you back. I could not do anything but turn myself into someone... someone that I never thought I would become. Because I never thought I would lose you (y/n). But I did. And so, I shut off any kind of emotion. I chose not to feel anything. I chose not to use emotion any more. Only logic. Only thinking of the greater good" he said and closed his eyes tightly, biting his trembling lip. If he didn't then he would surely not be able to hold the tears anymore.

"Dean... it's ok. I promise it's ok. Everything is going to be alright" you whispered, rubbing your thumb against his cheek, as he took in a shaky breath.

He nodded slightly.

It wasn't though. It really wasn't ok.

Sure it was better, at least for Dean, but not completely ok.

For the rest of your stay, at the camp and the future, things were... awkward.

Not with future Dean, but with your Dean. After the conversation you had with his future self you got to think of a few things, and make some decisions. Dean got to open up and finally say what he's been intending to for years, which was relief for him. He did keep his tough facade in front of others, though. Including your Dean.

Your Dean. Well, things did get awkward with him. And it would have seemed really weird if you didn't know what he really felt.

The cause of his awkward-weird behavior? His future self.

Well, not exactly his future self but the way his future self acted. It seemed totally normal to you, but not to Dean. Hence he acted the way he did. Castiel, luckily, had not told him of yours and his relationship into the future. Just your death. However, that was not enough to prevent Dean from getting jealous. Dean Winchester was jealous of himself. How crazy did that sound? Not to you, however.

Dean's future self would spent more time than needed with you, but you couldn't blame him. You also liked to spent time with him, you knew he needed someone to talk to, especially you. Some times he would sit really close to you, holding your hand from time to time (when nobody was looking of course). Other times his hands would linger a little bit longer when he touched you, therefore his past self could see you. He would also become really protective over you, refusing to let you do something that would be dangerous. Even if that something was his past self's idea for a mission. Fact that made them argue even more. Not to mention that when you chose future Dean's side, your Dean you be all grumpy and glare at him non-stop.

And although your time in the future was over, with a tight hug in yours and Dean's case, your Dean's jealousy time was surely not over.

"Thanks Cas." you said with a smile "Your timing was totally great and-" you stopped mid-sentence and looked at Dean with a frown "What?!" you asked with raised eyebrows.

"What what? Don't play innocent on me. What was that all for?" he asked back.

"What do you mean?" you asked frowning, though you had an idea what he meant.

"I mean you getting all hands-y with my future self! What was that all about?" he all but shouted.
"We didn't-" you started but he cut you off.

"Oh no, don't pull the 'We didn't do anything. It's not what you think' thing on me, ok?" he pointed a finger at you "Because I certainly could see something going on between the two of you while we stayed there. And don't you dare deny it!" he added as he saw you open your mouth to protest "He was all over you and you did nothing about it. Now tell me, what the hell was going on there?" he roared angrily.

"Nothing happened, man why don't ou believe me?! And, even if something happened why does it all of a sudden matter to you?" you asked frowning "Are you jealous, Dean?" you smirked at him.

"Wh-what?" he asked and laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck nervously "I-I no. N-no, I-I am not jealous. Why would I..." he trailed off at seeing the look on your face.

"Why are you looking at me that way?" he asked, trying to avoid your previous conversation.

"Nothing, really. It's just... You're the only person I know that could be jealous of his own self being close and hands-y with me" you shrugged.

"Aha!" he exclaimed "So you admit that he was getting hands-y!"

"And you admit that you were jealous" he retorted and saw his smile flatter.

"I-I was not" he said lowly.

"Dean, even I can see that you were jealous. Which, really, is weird since it is yourself that you are jealous of" Castiel, that was behind you, stated matter-of-factly.

"Shut up Cas" Dean growled and you laughed "Ok, fine. I was jealous. Are you happy!? I was jealous that he was all over you. I was jealous that was so close to you. I was jealous that you always stayed by his side and support him. I was jealous that he was all over the girl that I-" he stopped himself upon realizing what he was saying.

A grin appeared on your face "About time" you mumbled and without hesitating you closed the distance between you, crashing your lips to his. Dean's eyes were wide and he was frozen for a split second but did not waste any time and kissed you back.

"What was that for?" Dean asked breathlessly, once you both pulled away.

"Well, first;" you licked your lips "-you are really cute when you are jealous. And second; I just made a decision" you mumbled and leaned closer to him.

"What?" he asked with a small smile.

"To change the future... Because in the end... I love you" you whispered and pressed softly your lips to his.

Dean closed his eyes that were sparkling from joy and kissed you back with just as much love. Cupping your face and bringing you closer to him. Making a mental note to not only ask you out but also say that he felt the same way... soon.

...

"I'll just... leave you two alone for a while" Castiel mumbled and vanished.